Porn and Sex Addiciton – The Energy Suckers

A common similarity with porn and sex addicts whom I have met is the following: Most of them are generally very energetic, creative, and talented individuals. I have met many like myself who are technically savvy and have either a vast technology background and/or amazing entrepreneurial skills. Many would call me ADD  becuase I like to work on various projects at the same time as a business owner. Why is this relevant? It is becuase before becomming sober in my addictions I used up a HUGE amount of energy in fulfilling my addictive desires.

I have met quite a few people who have found sobriety in sexual and porn addiciton. Many positive changes hold true across the board but one interesting fact in particular is the following: Recovered porn/sex addicts have learned to channel immense amounts of energy into other things. For me…it is my work and family. Before getting help I would simply go throughout the day running my business. I was successful but when my relapses would occur I would spend days and sometimes weeks finding excuses to be lazy and not focus on business growth. When business got stressful or family life got stressful, I turned to porn.

Once I got counseling I learned that some of the worlds most successful people have addictive tenancies but many have learned to channel that addictive energy to more productivity. One technique I learned to channel my addictive energy was applying a saying: “The pain of regret is far greater than the pain of discipline.” Learning to understand the pain of discipline and taking that pain and channeling it, opened up a whole new world. Instead of easily giving in to every addictive trigger and going straight to porn I learned to use that energy in working on business projects and other productive things. Needless to say my current business is more successful and I have 2 other ventures I am working on now.

It’s amazing how much time and energy open up when they are not being spent on hours of porn browsing and addictive behaviors. Not to mention…no more secrecy and deception which were huge energy killers. I would encourage any out there who are getting the life and energy sucked out of them from addiciton to get help becuase it is there. I am forever grateful that I did.

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Porn/Sex Addiction – Addicts and Church Leaders

As I went through recovery from porn addiction I realized something about my addictive cycle. I allowed religion to become part of the addictive cycle. It is VITAL that church leaders understand and can identify this behavior. For you addicts out there, maybe there is no religious piece to the cycle, but think about what I am going to explain and see if something besides religion is identified.

My cycle began as a very young man around 13 years old. As soon as I found that porn could bring ejaculation it was like gasoline and fire. I went about 3 years hiding my daily addiciton until it got so bad that I felt like total crap inside. I felt less confident and less about myself. Finally one day I went to a church leader and talked to him about it. He was very kind and told me to not look at porn and masturbate anymore. I left there feeling a weight lifted and like a million bucks! Here is the problem…this church leader didn’t give me any real solutions to my addiction. I felt better, but had no solution. After a few weeks I looked at porn and masturbated…. again and again and again, until I hit that dark place and overbearing weight in life once more. I went back to a church leader and the same thing happened. I got a little advise but no real solutions to becomming sober in an addiction. I felt the burden of guilt and secrecy lifted but no long-term solutions.

This cyclical story repeated itself in my life on and off for 15 years . Going to church leaders became part of my addictive cycle. So what can addicts and church leaders do? Addicts can listen to what I have said and instead of using a crutch (like a church leader or a friend we confide in) to justify our continued addictive behavior, we can go get professional help. Church leaders are professional minsters and can provide spiritual counsel but they are, for the most part, not addiction counselors. Church leaders are spiritual advisers and can advise their members with addictions to enroll in a program or get some form of professional counseling. It is this combination of good ecclesiastical form combined with the professional tools porn/sex addiciton counseling can bring that will provide long-term sobriety.

Some church leaders use harsh punishment and disciplinary force on members due to the frustration that addicts are not getting better and their cycle continues. The cycle is going to continue whether discipline happens or not, until the addict gets the tools that will lead towards sobriety.  It is not until healing through proper counseling and re-training the brain takes place that an addict will get better. One leader told me to just turn my addiction over to the Lord. I cannot even count how many fervent and tearful prayers I made in my life that God would take away my addiction but after a time I fell again. That is like asking God to take away my brain and not allow me to make choices and learn. The point is…that there is a way to learn sobriety and God/Higher Power can be a huge part but there is much more to the process. This is where church leaders can champion encouraging members to go get professional help and kindly mentor them through the process. If the addict is totally unwilling, that is when productive forms of spiritual discipline may be necessary. Increased problems and further secrecy in addiction come when church leaders punish those who are already penitent and just want help. So the answer is to lead members to seek help, not punish the willing hearts. Those willing to seek help are already their own biggest personal critics and despise their own behaviors.

I went to over 15 church leaders throughout my life. One good leader 3 years ago said the following, “I have no idea how to cure or get you away from this addiction…however, I do know of a great counselor I want you to go to. He can help.” That is when I found Innergold 3 years ago and found the answers and pathway toward sobriety. It took 15 YEARS of church leaders to finally have one good man lead me towards real help. I thank that man and encourage all addicts and church leaders to learn from this blog.

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Porn/Sex Addiction – Why not Stop?

Having gone through a porn addiction of 15 years I would frequently ask myself, “Why not just stop?” There was a part of me that really wanted this beast out of my life but another part kept the burning cravings alive. It was like there was a piece of me that did not want to let it go. It had become a cyclical part of my life. When time got tough or stressful, I had become accustomed to using porn as a way to cope. I felt like I was living a double life.

When I entered the Innergold counseling system, I was taught that I was normal. Most porn/sex addicts live the double life and feel like they are an anomaly and unlike other people . It is extremely chaotic living the double life. I always felt like I had to hide things and when the guilt and consequences became so bad I would confess to church leaders to get it off my shoulders. It truly was a cycle that kept repeating. The point of this blog is to let any out there struggling know that they are not alone and that millions suffer from this same cycle. The Innergold program set me on a path of understanding and gave me the tools to heal the “double life” I was leading.

I can truly say that finding freedom from porn and getting away from the double life has been refreshing. I have so much more focus and energy channeled where it should be. I am more successful and better educated than ever before. So instead of saying, “Why not stop?”…go get some help and make it happen.

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Pornography Addiction – Yes An Addiction!

I was listening to a well known program where individuals call in looking for professional advise. Most of the time the advise is good. One specific person called in with the following problem: He got caught by his wife looking at porn. He had been looking at porn for over 18 months. He said that his wife was frustrated and felt betrayed. He was looking for help. The radio host downplayed the problem with pornography and said there must be something else creating the wife wanting to leave. The caller said that he honestly couldn’t think of anything and that it was the porn issue. He told the host that he wanted help and the host again downplayed his porn issue and said that there must be some other reason why the wife would want to leave. The frustrated caller said that he wanted help to stay away from porn and then got cut off due to a break in the show.

As a listener I was going crazy! I couldn’t believe that this confused and torn man was being told his porn problem was not the issue. IT WAS THE ISSUE! This man was pleading for help but since porn is viewed as “acceptable” to so many people, he got shut down and more discouraged. He literally started to cry on the air. He wanted help. So many people today are being told that porn is not a problem or addictive. This is a flat out lie! There are over 40 million Americans who regularly view porn. Not an addiction? C’mon! Millions are getting divorced, losing jobs, and destroying themselves and others due to porn and sex addiction. A major problem is that so many people are addicted to porn that they justify their own problems by downplaying it. It is temporarily easier to ignore porn addiction or play like it is not a real issue than facing its destructive nature head on. The crap always hits the fan eventually. ALWAYS! You can justify for only so long until pornography destroys. There is help out there. It is possible to become sober and get away from porn. Instead of justifying, let’s start solving the problem and that starts with ourselves.

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Porn/Sex Addiction – Treatment and Recovery

I was talking to someone the other day about the Innergold website and how it helps people recover from porn/sex addiction. I talked to them how pornography manipulates the brain and creates sexually addictive behaviors. This person was intrigued and asked me a couple questions: How does the process of becomming addicted to pornography happen? So how does someone get better?

How does the process of becomming addicted to pornography happen?
I explained this by giving an understanding of our instinctive brain (limbic). Pornography effects the same part of the brain that houses the need for food, survival, and pleasure. I explained that constantly looking at pornography is like eating and drinking. Just like we train our bodies and minds to eat and drink for survival, if one looks at pornography habitually it then becomes a survival mechanism as well. Many addicts commit over and over that they will stop. “This time is the last time.” Then a few days or weeks later, the need arises and they repeat despite consequences or promises made not to. Hence, the addictive nature of pornography attaches directly to the survival part of the brain. Often when a porn addict is tired, stressed, angry, overly emotional, etc… they feed the need for survival with porn. Many porn addicts although tired, will instead stay up through all hours of the night feeding the need for porn instead of sleep since the high from porn gives a temporary fix to the need for sleep. That is just one example of many.

So how does someone get better from pornography addiction?
Just like becomming a pornography addict is a process, becomming sober is a process as well. Since the addict has trained their brain to have a need for porn as a survival mechanism there is a “repairing” process that must take place. It is not an overnight thing. The addicted brain wants so badly for the addiction to “go away” that excuse after excuse of easy ways out are justified. Doing something good, confessing, hiding and justifying, or committing to ones self to “never” repeat are common short-term fixes that allow the addict to feel temporarily better. Although some of these temporary fixes are good, they are not the complete answer. The answer is in the process of recovery. One must learn the tools of recovery and put them into place for the long-term. Many of these things are daily activities that if done consistently will foster literal changes to the brain and create healing. The key to maintaining sobriety is using the skills learned in recovery for a lifetime. That doesn’t mean hours a day, but doing the simple daily things. This is what Innergold teaches and it is what helped me find long-term sobriety after 15 years.

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Porn/Sexual Addiction – Hope not Guilt

On a forum I participate in someone mentioned how tired they were of dealing with the deep guilt they felt for their addiction. Another person mentioned that so many ecclesiastical institutions preach in a way that brings guilt whether intentional or unintentional. Although I agree that one should feel some forms of guilt for undesirable behaviors, hope is more productive in healing.

Most pornography addicts have become habitually addicted to the cycle of guilt and shame that comes with the practice. Understanding, tools for recovery, and positive hope should be used before strict punishment and guilt are brought to the table. Guilt and strict consequence may lead to short-term sobriety but does not create healing in the core of the addiction. Many leaders in today’s churches struggle to know how to help those coming to them with sexual or pornography addictions. Many use strict punishments thinking that will help “break” the addiction. More often than not I feel that instead of “breaking” the addiction, the individual seeking help most often gets “broken.”

Addicts seeking help want answers and hope. They want to know they aren’t alone and can find solutions to their plaguing sexual addictions. They want someone who they can communicate with who will not be judgmental. Those seeking help are often scared knowing that bringing to light their addiction may hurt others around them. Understanding that becoming sober in sexual addictions is a process rather than a one time event is vital. Purposeful consequence can be helpful in situations of the non-penitent or those who may need some time to gain understanding of the blessings they have. Any consequence should have a positive focus with achievable goals affixed. Understanding this process will help those in spiritual authority likely lean towards mercy and positive progression as their means to help porn addicts rather than strict punishment.

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Pornography/Sexual Addiction – A Cure or a Process

With sexual/pornography addiction counseling making new inroads there is more information than ever available to help addicts. Many of these programs are focusing on the makeup of the brain, understanding how sex/porn addiction alters the brain, and methods to heal and strengthen the brain to become sober from porn. Innergold focuses on the 2 part brain and gives the tools necessary for lifelong sobriety. I agree that programs like this are the best proven way to gain sobriety. Similar systems out there are advertising a “CURE” to the addiction. I 100% agree that one can become sober for life; however, I cannot agree with the notion that there is a “6 week cure.” This “cure” mindset played into my own addiction and made it worse before I found Innergold. I have learned that sobriety from addiction is a process and not an event. It requires lifelong diligence to the tools given to stay sober. It gets easier and more routine as time goes on, but it is a process. Ironically, these systems also advertise ongoing support for a monthly fee. Obviously they believe in the ongoing nature of addiciton but advertise it as a “cure” for whatever reasons. I agree that ongoing support is necessary. Addicts must follow the daily habits and practices used to maintain sobriety for a lifetime.

Other systems out there take a spiritual/ecclesiastical only approach and although I agree that a higher power and spiritual balance is a vital part of the process, it is not the only piece.

Addictive tenancies don’t simply disappear after a few weeks of counseling. The triggers and burning do not suddenly go away one day. The cravings may become less severe and become less frequent but they still come on occasion. Realizing that fact is key to accepting and surrendering the addiction. Until this acceptance and surrender takes place sobriety is usually short-term followed by deeper relapses. Over time, triggers can be greatly reduced. I know that from experience. I wish as much as any other addict that there were some cure out there that could guarantee one will never have addictive triggers again. After being sober for a couple years, I have noticed a HUGE drop in triggers and the difficult times but they are still there occasionally. I have the tools and systems in place that help me stay on track though.

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Porn and Sexual Addiction – Getting Help

Getting help for a pornography/sexual addiction is probably one of the most difficult decisions to be made. It’s so easy for an addict to keep saying, “I am in control…this is the last time I will view porn.” Or say, “I can stop this sexual behavior when I want, so it’s no big deal.” I went though times in life where I didn’t “Slip” for 6-12 months. It was easy to think I was in control. The problem is (and those of you who view porn or have a sex addiction know this true) that whether it is a day, week, or months, the addictive behavior is repeated.

If that’s not the reason then usually it boils down to feeling weak, embarrassed, or concern in hurting those around us by bringing the addiction to light. The fact is that all of these are valid concerns and everyone who has a pornography or sexual addiction has these worries. There are millions of porn/sex addicts and the number grows as these addictions are often easily kept secret. Getting better is not a one time decision but rather a process that usually requires some form of counseling or program.

So why get help? The primary reason is the fact that as the addiction grows and is hidden it will eventually create extremely destructive behaviors. It weakens real relationships. It creates secrecy and lies. It numbs the addict to crave unrealistic expectations. I have never known a porn/sex addict who has not after a time hit rock bottom due to the addiction. Some hit rock bottom harder than imagined possible.

The point is to not wait until rock bottom happens. If you have ever repeatedly viewed porn, you do in fact need help. Seek a counseling program. There will always be an excuse to put off getting help but the benefits of finding sobriety far outweigh the consequences in the long-term.

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Pornography Addiction – The Hunt

Pornography addicts commonly go through a process I like to call “the hunt.” The best way to explain the hunt is to understand the brain. The brain has a part called the “limbic system/mid-brain” and another part known as the “frontal cortex.” The limbic part of the brain is the instinctive or survival part. The frontal cortex is the logical and thinking part of the brain.

All animals have a limbic system as well, but most have very limited if any frontal cortex. Take a lion for example. If a lion is hungry, what does it do? It goes on the hunt and with fluid skill stalks out, hunts, and attacks its prey. In other words…it eats at all costs. It must survive. This is a function of the limbic system.

One instinctive part of the limbic system is sexuality. Sexuality releases very powerful endorphins and chemicals into our body so that we remember and desire further releases. Pornography alters the way our instinctive sexual desires function, creating unrealistic and unfulfilled expectations for very real and natural desires. Pornography literally alters the limbic system to incorporate the need for porn as a survival mechanism…like any other addictive drug. This alteration in turn re-wires the healthy frontal part of the brain so that addicts begin losing the ability to logically reason the negative consequences associated with actions. It becomes all about getting a porn fix rather than seeing the consequence of action. Most porn addicts are as addicted to the “hunt” for porn as they are to the actual viewing. The hunt becomes part of the addictive cycle and excitement of the addiction. Planning out (hunting) the next porn fix is a part of all porn addicts cycles. When a porn addict begins to understand the process of their hunt, they are able to put checks and balances in place to help gain sobriety. The hunt generally starts well before the actual acting out and viewing porn. If an addict can learn to recognize the beginning signs of the hunt and put them aside, the chances of learning sobriety greatly increase.

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Quitting Porn Addiction

Over the years as a pornography addict, I would often times say things to myself like, “I can quit this anytime.” “This will be the last time I will ever look at porn.” “I am in control becuase it has been a while since I looked at porn.”

The false notion of conquering an addiction is all too common. Just like any other addiction, there is a lot of effort that goes into quitting. Have you ever known a drug addict who has gone through the process of quitting their drug of choice? I have a friend that went through 4 years of treatment and spent over a month in an psychiatric institution to overcome a heroine addiction.

Although pornography may not cause the same physical harm as drugs, it similarly offers a release to the brain as do other drugs, thus becoming a dependent substance. Porn addicts like to reason with themselves in saying they can quit anytime. This “quit anytime” attitude is a common defense the brain uses to allow an excuse to fall back into the addiction in the future. As long as porn addicts deceive themselves, they will not get better. The key is that only through complete admittance that we are dependent on the drug of pornography and need help, can we finally begin the healing process.The good news is that there are solutions in becomming sober in pornography addiction.

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