Porn/Sex Addiction – Understanding Fear

How does a porn or sex addict get better? What is the driving force? I have heard various people talk about fear. I have a friend who’s wife told him that if he ever looked at porn again, she would divorce him. This may well bring adequate fear…or did it? Well, he is still married and has slipped on occasion. What about the church leader who uses fear with someone who confesses? Is this curative to the addict?  For years I often thought this fear of man and even of God might “cure” me from my addiction.

It wasn’t until I finally found sobriety that I realized how. It was a literal 360 degree change in my views and fears. I found that using external fears as motivation only created temporary moments of sobriety. Fear meant that I was trying to stop for others. What I learned from this finally brought success. I learned to get better for “ME.” Yes for myself.  I had grown to hate my addiction and what it did to me. I had a hard time forgiving myself. I thought that I had to get sober for everyone else. This attitude of “everyone else” is what brings the fear of messing up. It actually drives into the addiciton and creates cycles where the addict slips up.

I have learned to be confident in myself. I have learned to “love” who I am instead of the former “internal conflict and hate.” Instead of always living in fear of “messing up” I strive to live in personal confidence and set daily goals. I am sober for me. This personal sobriety from porn is what makes me a better husband, father, church member, and contributor to society. The point is that I no longer focus on the fear of the external but rather focus on the internal.