Porn/Sex Addiction – Understanding Fear
July 21, 2009
How does a porn or sex addict get better? What is the driving force? I have heard various people talk about fear. I have a friend who’s wife told him that if he ever looked at porn again, she would divorce him. This may well bring adequate fear…or did it? Well, he is still married and has slipped on occasion. What about the church leader who uses fear with someone who confesses? Is this curative to the addict? For years I often thought this fear of man and even of God might “cure” me from my addiction.
It wasn’t until I finally found sobriety that I realized how. It was a literal 360 degree change in my views and fears. I found that using external fears as motivation only created temporary moments of sobriety. Fear meant that I was trying to stop for others. What I learned from this finally brought success. I learned to get better for “ME.” Yes for myself. I had grown to hate my addiction and what it did to me. I had a hard time forgiving myself. I thought that I had to get sober for everyone else. This attitude of “everyone else” is what brings the fear of messing up. It actually drives into the addiciton and creates cycles where the addict slips up.
I have learned to be confident in myself. I have learned to “love” who I am instead of the former “internal conflict and hate.” Instead of always living in fear of “messing up” I strive to live in personal confidence and set daily goals. I am sober for me. This personal sobriety from porn is what makes me a better husband, father, church member, and contributor to society. The point is that I no longer focus on the fear of the external but rather focus on the internal.
August 27, 2009 at 6:11 am
The idea is to discuss the most important cornerstones, such as images, pornography, and masturbation. Through them we will try to study what this addiction – in which so many can be tied up, even suffer from it – is like, and what is the life like of a such person who fills his or her time with these things, thinks about them, and is directed by them. There is also a spiritual viewpoint to the same issue.
Imagination and daydreams are very ordinary for most people. It is certainly true that almost everyone has them, but a person addicted to sex is different in that they are in a main part in his or her life. It means that there will be fantasies and images connected to sex all the time, either old experiences or plans for the future. Sex addicts can think and dream about sex with persons they have met, with porn magazine lovers, or to look at films, which will lead to the same. They do not always even need pornographic material, but they can form these images in quite ordinary situations, in which other people do not see anything provocative. Very minor issues can spike their imagination, often leading to masturbation. In addition, the sexual interest of some people can be directed only at certain parts of the body, such as breasts and legs, and these people especially dream of touching these parts. There are many variations.
Pornography, which is especially the problem of men, is the second main factor in the life of a sex addict. This can mean porn magazines, films or material on the Internet that is used to seek for satisfaction.
One problem with pornography is that it does not bring long-lasting satisfaction to us. These magazines or films kind of promise that you will find the erotic picture you have always been looking and longing for, but the satisfaction does not last for long. As time goes by, many may experience the same as alcoholics and drug addicts: they need more and more powerful stimulus to experience the same stimulation as before, because the amount of pleasure diminishes.
Also the man in the story before told how he got old magazines in order to get the same experiences as he had when he was younger. This proves how we can get used to things, and thus they will no longer feel the same. Instead, the tolerance and addiction can grow and grow, but we will feel more empty all the time. This happens with almost everything that we experience daily: we do not feel the same as before. Therefore, the sex of older people who have practiced it for decades, is usually not as passionate as when they were younger.
More info: http://koti.phnet.fi/elohim/sexaddiction
November 18, 2009 at 9:16 am
You’re absolutely right. You have to stop because you can’t stand the emotional pain porn causes and want the pleasure (joy) of living a clean life so badly you’ll do anything (take massive action) to change.
I like how you describe “I have learned to be confident in myself. I have learned to “love” who I am instead of the former “internal conflict and hate.”
I am able to stay free when I focus on my gifts and talents, love and appreciate me.
Thanks for a great post.
http://www.curepornaddiction.wordpress.com